sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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