I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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