I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
