he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
