At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
