if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We are two peas in an std pod
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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