I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
