No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
