i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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