"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
