I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
