remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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