fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
