Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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