great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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