Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
