love makes seman taste better
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
