I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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