can u get pink eye on your cock?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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