hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
