video games are the ultimate cock blocker
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
This toilet bowl is my home.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
