i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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