Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
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