woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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