Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
