I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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