I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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