and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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