Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
