I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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