What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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