i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
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I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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