I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize