you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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