So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
