i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
