Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
