i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
