my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
