What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
don't judge my taste in strippers
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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