ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
