It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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