; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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