D3 body, D1 cock
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
