yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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