fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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