I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
