Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
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I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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