Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
