ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
