I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
