i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
