I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
