OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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