It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
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its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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