No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
