You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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