She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize