I wish my penis had an off switch
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
