my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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