I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
