then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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