i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
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I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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