Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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