You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
