i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
